How Most of us are Surviving Lockdown

I hope there is at least one reader here who has fond memories of watching the 90’s sitcom Family Matters. This show was a weekly staple in our home growing up and is often still quoted at family gatherings.

One of our favorite lines from the show comes from an exchange between characters Carl Winslow, a middle aged Chicago Police Officer and his nerdy and slightly overbearing teenage neighbor Steve Urkel.

Carl: “Steve, go home. Go home, go home, go home, go home!”

Steve: “I don’t have to take this. I’m going home!”

Now these words have a very different meaning for me. During this pandemic, home is simultaneously the only place I want to be and the only place I’d love to leave.

Writing Something Relevant

Before COVID-19 exploded across North America, I had pondered writing my next post about my decision to give up pancakes for Lent, somehow connecting it to meat reduction. This option was taken off the table as I abruptly gave up my sacrifice once I found out preschool was cancelled.

Given the amount of illness and challenges people around the world are experiencing, I felt that anything I could write that would be relevant to the topic of this blog (trying to be environmentally friendly while raising small children in the suburbs) seemed futile.

No One is Thriving

There are some people who might have been made for this moment. “Preppers” who have been stockpiling since Y2K come to mind. I also think that for some introverts, the first few days were enjoyable.

Regardless, in this time of being more physically alone (and more unable to get a moment away from our children) than ever before, I believe most of us are more or less feeling the same way.

No one is thriving.

Almost everyone who has children is losing their shit (even though we are obviously still thankful for them and love them deeply). Parents who previously worked outside the home are now trying to work from home and somehow watch their kids. Stay-at-home parents have lost their framework of outings and social engagements that made staying sane as a stay-at-home parent possible.

There are four things I’ve discovered during this time and am trying to remind myself of:

1. Some people’s situations are going to be better than yours: maybe they have beachfront property, maybe their children have been genetically modified not to whine, maybe they’re independently wealthy and neither parent has to work.
   
   
2. Some people’s situations are going to be worse than yours: maybe they’ve lost income, maybe they or their family members have Coronavirus, maybe they’re in a bad situation which has now gotten worse.
   
   
3. Heaven will be like my husband’s conference calls: the ability to close the door and not be responsible for your children’s needs for a set period of time during the day.
   
   
4. If there was ever a time to be supportive of each other, to be honest that your life is not all roses, to allow yourself to be a less than perfect parent, I think it is now.
   
   So, for my contribution to that last item, here’s a glimpse into what our life has looked like during this time. Maybe it will be a relief. Maybe (OK, probably not but maybe) it will be inspirational. Maybe it will be funny. Hopefully it will make you feel that, no matter your situation, you are not alone.

Homeschooling

Because my kids are 4 and almost 2, there is no official homeschooling going on here. We are just home right now.

I’m not putting my kids in a box or sticking them in front of a screen all day (although sometimes that is a tempting proposition). We sing, color, paint, dig in the dirt and spend a lot of time having snacks. After all, snacks is what my 4 year old repeatedly says she misses about preschool. I don’t have any expectations of formal education for this period and I think that’s just fine.

Obviously parents of older kids might not have this luxury but then again, you probably also have the luxury of being able to go to the bathroom without interruptions. Pick your poison.

P.S. If this is the break you’ve been waiting for to try out homeschooling – go for it! This is not a knock against that. I’m just letting you know that, according to the book of me (not meant as an official resource), it’s OK to go light on the schooling while you’re heavy on the home.

Socializing

The last time I took the Myers Briggs personality test, on their extrovert/introvert scale I scored 100% extrovert. This does not bode well for surviving lockdown.

My only glimmer of hope is that the last time I took this personality test I didn’t have children and therefore probably underappreciated alone time. Were I to take it today, perhaps I’d only score 95% extrovert.

One of my main coping mechanisms as an extrovert at this time has been texting and it comes in the following forms:

• Funny meme texts

• Guilt trip texts

• Daily check in texts

Meet your New Babysitter

Living in lockdown has meant that we no longer have access to babysitters. Of course, there is always the classic option of using the television to babysit but sometimes even that runs its course. I’ve found that many of our friends and family are available now and can use their talents to entertain my children.

• Music: my brother is a musician and obligingly played all my kids’ requests, including “B-I-B-L-E,” Down by the Bay and Jesus Loves Me on our FaceTime call last week.

• Reading: According to my calculations, 99.9% of the people in my contacts list know how to read. Many of them are willing to spend time reading stories to my children. This week, I was actually able to make dinner in (relative) peace while my parents read stories over FaceTime to the kids. It might have been one of the highlights of my week.

Pretending I have a Job (outside the home)

Before lockdown, I had never heard of Zoom. I’m not confident this platform existed when I was still getting dressed everyday working outside the home.

Not only have I successfully participated in multiple Zoom calls now, I am currently riding high on setting up my first Zoom meeting. Yes, I can now say things like “my conference call is at 11.” At the meeting we will be singing The Wheels on the Bus with our retired neighbors.

Keeping it Clean (Kinda)

• Basic Hygiene

Hold your applause, please.

Let’s start with mornings. One activity we’ve been doing to pass the time is finally brushing my kids’ teeth in the mornings. This might have also been spurred on by the fact that I no longer have an excuse not to. It’s not like I can tell the dentist at our next check up “we just didn’t have time in the mornings before we had to go sit on the couch.”

Apparently my children were unaware that most people brush their teeth twice a day. One evening, when I asked them to brush before bed, my oldest said “but we brushed them this morning!” #momoftheyear

• Making Dr. Fauci Proud

I am a big fan of Dr. Fauci, and the fact that people are nominating him for this year’s sexiest man alive is proof that not all hope is lost.

While I haven’t spoken to him personally about this, I do think he would agree with me that anyone who has tried to maintain relatively clean hands on their young children during this time deserves a medal.

Perhaps your children are not like this, but mine seem to alternate between complete compliance and outright anguish whenever I ask them to wash their hands. The thing is, you never know which reaction you’re going to get. Sometimes I can’t pull them away from the sink. Other times their resistance makes me feel like I am torturing them.

Here’s the formula for why having my children wash their hands for 20 seconds is now such a substantial part of our day:

frequency of hand washing/day
x
20 seconds of washing
x
#of minutes encouraging/rebuking/congratulating for each hand washing
x
the number of children I have
=
the number of minutes I spend on social media, minimum

Of course there is always the less time consuming option of hand sanitizer, which, unless you have a direct connection to Purell, should only be applied after prayerful consideration.

I’m now thankful that, four years ago when our oldest was born, I usually forgot to ask people to use the large bottle of hand sanitizer I had bought. This bottle has become our go to in times of hand washing crises.

• Cleaning up another Mess

I will admit, I am not the neatest person to walk this earth. So it shouldn’t surprise me that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

However, it seems that even routine activities, like having lunch, snowball into a larger than necessary mess, rapidly. One kid will roll their hands in crumbled egg and honey and then smear it over a chair pad while the other will somehow use their limbs to grab and spill a container of sparkles I didn’t even realize were nearby.

Additional sources of mess creation I have discovered include: baking, painting and quiet time (during which your oldest will give her teddy bear a “lotion bath.” Every towel and blanket possibly available will be used to dry off the teddy. This example is listed because it literally just happened while I was writing about the sparkles.

I don’t think we’ve become messier during lockdown but I do think that more messes are occurring in our home because home is the only place we are. We’re not leaving messes at preschool, we’re not killing time driving to the library, there is no YMCA childwatch open for them to run around in. All the energy and all the mess is trapped here (or in the yard). On the plus side, I can say that the car has not gotten messier.

Believe the Cookie Cake

To conclude the tour of our life during lockdown, I would like to share with you the delicious treat my cookie master friend surprised us with one night.

Sometimes I just look at this picture to remind myself that my friends, family and community are still out there, even though, like Steve Urkel, I’ve been told to “go home, go home, go home.”

Being a parent is hard. Being a parent during lockdown is harder.

Be kind. To yourself and others. You are loved.